Mychemicalenee's Journals

So...i know this is really old news XD

BUT

I finally listened to Paramore's new album

umm...

Yesterday? Yeah, yesterday =]

courtesy of my IT teacher blasting it from speakers XD ahah ty Miss,

but im really getting into it, which is good..

because all ive been listening to for like..the past...AGES

is r&b which tbh gets really boring.

oh and Julia nunes obvs.

the girl with the Ukelele, ahaha awsomes =]

ANYWAYS

i had well i guess they're 'Finals' all this week and i've got another exam

tommorow (Friday) and then next week

AND THEN ITS XMAS HOLIDAYS

WOOOOOOOOOO! =]

i dont blog on here enough

yeah..

Sahhry :P

Arghhhhh maths >

so i'll just go ahead right now and tell you

-I AM STRESSED.

not too stressed but still =/

I think most of it's because i've been sitting cross-legged for the past 40945832047529487523 decades.

The other cause ofc would be because I have my Re-takes coming up ><

I'm retaking a maths module to do the higher tier and hopefully get a B or over (last time I did the foundation tier- not willingly, where the highest mark you can get is a C and got 107/112 -_- in otherwords a high C which means i probably only got a few questions wrong on the paper- to be fair the first question was addition no joke.),
it's not just a test though, this module is called "Module 3" and is worth 27% of my GCSE and the module before this was "Module 1" which i got a strong B in but it was only worth 18%. SO i'm re taking module 3 and i'm dying trying to reviseeee ><
MY RE-TAKE IS ON THE 13TH. =[
i've been revising once a week since september, and have only started revising more ehh...religiously since well...friday ><
BUT ITS A GOOD THING MY MEMORY (WHEN DOING MATHS) IS GOOD. =D well thats what i keep telling myself =/.

andddd i'm retaking year 10 chemistry, it's so easy honestly,[again- what i keep telling myself, though i am acctually quite confident] mehh my chemistry exam's on the 19th- i'll start worrying about it after maths, gives me a week to revise so yeah =D

so im not as worried as i will be for my actual exams mainly because if i fuck these up, they'll take my previous marks- which weren't BAD, but i just thought i could improve.. seeing as im failing most subjects><

ahaha and i'm soz if this makes no sense to you- it probably won't if you don't live in the UK or don't do GCSE's or O Levels, or that other shit that they do in private skls XD

/pointless ramble

Guess who else stole off of Vee ?

Yup. Moi.

Who was your last kiss?
Noo oneee ><

Have you ever vomited at school?
Ehhh..No. i'd die of embarrasment

Will you have sex tonight?
Yeah i have a hot date with you mum

How old is your ex or current girlfriend/ boyfriend?
My age.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you?
Nt sure tbh, if she was homeless then yeah -but kicked out? dnt think so.

Are you comfortable answering all these personal questions?
It's buzznet idc really :P

Are there any relationships you wish could have lasted longer?
Nooo.

What was the first thing you said when you woke up today?
i didnt say anthing, but my face probably looked like this ---> -__-

Who makes you happy?
A few people :)

Who was the last person to text you?
i dunno, Cyrus probably, or Noor

Do you regret doing something today?
Sitting down on this bed at this angle. My arse is now numb -_-

Are you open about your feelings or closed off?
depends what it is im talking about and who to, but im usually open- maybe not always 100% truthful but it depends who im talking to. The parents? LIELIELIELIELIE ahaha

Held hands with anyone today?
Dnt think so- not unless i was dragging someone, but i got a lot of hugs :)

Have you kicked anybody today?
No, my toe's been killing all day :(

Who is in your house?
Ma mere, pere et moi.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
quite a few,

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Name me ONE person who likes getting out of a warm duvet and into the cold at 8 in the morning [which btw is just abotu enough time for me to put on my clothe brush my teeth/wash my face..do my hair slightly and leg it to school XD]

What's on your schedule for tomorrow?
Fuck all...school, maths revision + home =]

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
No acctually =/ hmm

What exactly are you wearing now?

ahaha my awsome new clothes =] LOL , i shall describe :)

Grey/black leggings, white vest with a cut out butterfly netting back thing, and an over-sized worn out purpley jumper thing off the shoulder ahahaha

i am a LOOSER. i literally got home, and wore my new clothes XD

This time last year, who did you have feelings for?
urm.. no one =/ how sad.

Do you have an attic?
Uhm yeahhh, it's filled with all these wierd fucking boxes of old shit. <-- my lovely attic.

What was the last song you sang out loud to?
...Time is running out- Muse? i probably didn't really sing though

Do you remember names or faces better?
Faces, deffo.

Have you ever been in a tornado or hurricane?
no >< fucking boring.

Do you have any bookmarks in your internet browser? If so, how many?
Goddd yeah many many pointless links to Fanfic and River island =D and Ebay, and buzznet, and fb, and twitter, and and and and and...

Have you ever seen any movie version of Romeo and Juliet?

If you're in a competition, are you in it to win it or just for the fun?
arghh no, i never take shit srsly XD

Have you ever had braces?
Yeah, I had them for a whileee- not that you can tell now, my bottom row is crooked >< I DONT LIKE RETAINERS. KAY??

Is there a TV show right now that you just can't miss an episode of?
I get addicted to tv so fucking easily. so many..soooo many XD

Do you usually go to sleep before or after the people you're living with?
after, i dont like sleeping when they can see me/ when they're up unless i HAVE to

Have you ever watched the show How I Met Your Mother?
omg every episode so far :f

Has anything happened to you in the past month that's made you sad?
yhh. =/
noww that i kinda think about it, Baz Luhrmann's remake was rather wierd.. but i still looooove it ;) ONLY really because i got an A in english for analysing (and taking the piss out of ) the other remake by Zefferelli.. >< im not a nerd. i swear. XD

How often do you listen to music?
Allll the time

Are you a patient person?
It depends who it is I'm dealing with.

Do you have a favorite song?

dont have one atm

How often do you sleep in?
Whenever I can. oh yeah.

Do you like being in pictures?
nt really no.

You receive $50 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
you do realise, $50 is like £20- £25 i'd probs end up spending it on like something pathetic, yes. now you know why i'm always broke XD

When is your birthday?
July 27th 1994 Ohh yeah :)

Have you ever highlighted your hair?
Oh god yeah >< eww.

Does someone like you right now?
Probs not.

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Uh,i think so, Amika..probs Ria urmm...a few people acc:) i use the word freely..just not in relationships XD

What's your opinion on pot?
I'd give it a try, but if Pot's the same thing as Ganja (LOL at me acc using ganja- the word i mean) then i'd give it a try in the future, but i dont see any point in that shit at this age.

What are your plans for the weekend?
to go shopping, and to hopefully excercise/ do some coursework- or some revsion. Yeah my life is so damn interesting

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
It acc is!! it took me like more than a year to grow it out, but i still have ginger bits at the ends ><

Who did you last hug today?
Uhmm...Dima? or amika?..Or Cyrus?

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Does Jace - shirtles with wings, count? yes yes he's fictional..shuup =/

Think back to the last guy you held hands with, would you kiss them?
i held hands with NO ONE -_- stop provoking meee

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
I know a few people who have smoked pot, and who will, but i dont know if anyones doing it right now =/ and idc really.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
a car? or someshit

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mum -_-

How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed?
i havent kissed anyone in HOW long, not on the lips anyways XD

What's the last compliment you received?
today was the day we got our student ID card picture things, so quiteeeee a few..

The person you HAVE the strongest feelings for dies, do you care?
why ask, when you know the answer? there isnt anyone i "have the strongest feelings for" and no, Jace doesnt count -_-

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?
Well what d'ya want me to do, buy a new fucking bed when ever i have sleepovers? how bout you buy me one. XD

So if anyone even remembers me.... here's a "Where-the-fuck-have-you-been" blog type ramble thing

(btw, im not too bothered on punctuation and spelling, i'l correct what i have to in order to make sense- not bothered with the rest.)

so if you dont want to read this whole thing, ill just say between me leaving and then coming back to buzznet i've grown up, gotten new obsessions and then come back realising i left something really fucking awsome.

this is going to be one of those 'Where the fuck have you been for the past year and whatnot'

urm..yeah. Fail.

truth is, i kinda grew out of buzznet. im not sure Why i guess I thought i'd made friends, and that finally i was accepted, and i guess it's half true. i kept on putting off signing back into buzznet cos im lazy, but here i am..

1) i guess i should say that by 'accepted' i dont mean 'accepted' like as if i went to an american high school and had my own little clique (Anyone seen Mean Girls?) and then suddenly became accepted by the whole year. because it's not really like that in English schools, i cant really speak for schools other than my own shithole of a school but w/e. everyone has their own little friendship groups, and friends in other forms and whatnot its all vair free. its also extremely bitchy and fucked up- but yeah its better than exclusive cliques and bitchy queen bees...But oh how i love mean girls :) best movie ever (a movie i havent watched in over like 2 years, but STILL know most words to- yeah i dont have too much free time or anything. Because atm, i float between many weird-but loveable people and i know im their friend and that they're mine, but i still don't feel accepted.... and this is my last year in school before 6th form (YESSSS!!!!!) as much as you'd love me to explain english schools and whatnot, im not bothered- but i'd be a Sophmore if i went to american school . anways- and ive realised that buzznet was awsome, and that i met amazing people + friends here =] friends that tbh are more reliable than some of the ones i have irl,

so this is gonna be hard to believe because i pretty much rambled and complained my whole way through this- but i dont complain as much anymore. im okayish with my parents, in the way that ive accepted them for the way they are and have stopped comparing them to other people.

-But they still annoy the living fucking shit out of me, and i'm moving out when im 18 :).

another thing, im not obsessed with becoming thin anymore because ive accepted the fact that i am a complete failure when it comed to that. but im sure ill get into another one of those phases. And pretty much since before i left buzznet until now, i have an obsession with makeup =S im not vain, but makeup is awsome. ive never been able to draw on paper, but drawing on your face is completely different, its fun i like seeing myself + other people just kinda transform its awsome:) and has kinda sorta improved my confidence (as in, even without any makeup i feel okay about my face :) my body- urm yes lets not go there.) and i guess tbh im just much more a happier person, am less frustrated-

andddd well no last ones a lie. im still frustrated. haha. =]

well... its 2 in the morning, and im fucking bored outta my mind, so imma stop here.

anddd

Meehhhhhhh! THEIR TRYING TO FEED ME

Ahm at my aunts house and their REALLY nice to me
staying here fr like...few weeks
damn this keybord -_-
LOL anyway

omg.
theyre trying to feed e so much
my aunty thinks i dont eat
DAMN WOMAN CAN YOU SEE MY LEGS?
I WEAR SIZE FRICKEN 10 FOR FUCK SAKE
I AINT SKINNY.
ahm short & fat.
ohhmygod. THEY DONT HVE ANY SCALES
0___0
but yes i came on here to see how many calories id be injesting for "lunch"

you wouldnt acc belive me if i told you THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY
thats like..my whole day's allowance
im going off to cry now :(

Omg this COMPUTER
GRRR TINY KEYBOARDS >.<

btw wen i get bck home, few more chapters of urm thefic i write (memory loss- forgot the name :P)
well atleast ive got two weeks away from the 'rents :P
xxx

HO SHIT- THATS GENA? OMG 0___0

JESUS CHRIST.

THATS GENA?

SRSLY.

mmkay- imma stop being all 0___0 and tell you wtf is going on.

Ahem

-you know the girl who dances with zacky in afterlife

I DINT KNOW IT WAS GENA 0___0

Wow. im slow XD

xxxx

Please Erase My Dreams]] Avenged Sevenfold x [[2]]

Please Erase My Dreams]]

Two

He let his eyes roam through the somewhat letterbox shape over his face. He could see himself directly opposite where his mind was- which confused him thoroughly. His hair shining in the small yet slightly tainted light that was provided by the dimming light bulbs above, his eyes glistening, and his lips smooth and soft- he wanted nothing more than to take himself hostage and do whatever he pleased- his thoughts alarmed him and he eventually came to the conclusion that he was dead- the truth however was that in his condition, he was delusional.

He surveyed his situation from where he was- inside a strange small sickly green room he couldnâ�™t remember. He let his mind run free as his limbs definitely couldnâ�™t- for reasons he didnâ�™t know, and as he thought more he realised he couldnâ�™t move at all- he started to panic.

Beeping-strange crescendos alien to his ears. The man who he thought was himself stood up alarmed from where he was almost folded in half on a small white chair. He thought to himself- through his panic, maybe; he was dying not dead. Though his face wasnâ�™t visible through the many layers of gauze covering his body- he blushed. He could see his face fully now, prominent cheek bones and a jaw line, running out of the room disappearing from Zackâ�™s eye line.

When the man returned in the room, it seemed to light up. Four other men and two women followed in after them. The way he walked intimidated him slightly- but it soon passed, the tallest one he seemed to recognise- and the more he thought, the more he realised he recognised them all vaguely. All except for the one he longed to look at the most.

He looked away from the attractive one and focused on the others, the tallest yet most small framed had large brown eyes rimmed with a powdery black substance- eye shadow he thought to himself. They were all whispering quietly now, huddled in a circle of chairs. The only other person he could make out was a small tanned girl- Innocent faced, gleams of silver attached to her skin, her hair long and hanging down in reckless waves of black and red, over her olive green shirt. She was sitting casually on the tall manâ�™s legs, his arms entwined around her waist, occasionally he would bite her, or kiss her- he couldnâ�™t keep still, and she was struggling holding back her laughter.

Zackâ�™s heart seemed to ache, neither for the girl- nor the taller man. He was sure of that. It just seemed to ache, the aura of love in the room choked him and he glanced around the room once more- ignoring the chest pains trying to listen in on the conversation.

â�He looks in pain- you can see by his eyesâ� A short boy clad in black- all except his hair- a short-fanned Mohawk. He failed to whisper- but they failed to notice. He wondered to himself who they were talking about.

â�His eyes are open?â� A different lady replied-her bubblegum coloured lips left in a slight pout. She was taller than the other girl yet still fairly petite. Her bright blonde hair ridden off all itâ�™s natural flicks and her fringe pulled back from her face with a few clips- showing off the creamy smooth texture of her face, her makeup though fairly gentle-brought out her hazel eyes. Her light brown eyebrows framed her slightly tanned face, her head resting lightly on the shoulder of a rather muscular man, his arms donned with artwork and his head severely lacking hair- but it looked like he meant it to be that way.

â�Fucking cuntâ� Zack felt himself shiver, as the one he thought was himself moved out of his chair and out of the room, the others were either stilled in their chairs with mouths wide with shock- or glaring at the short man- who was confused by all.

â�Fuck the what?â� The short man asked, slightly dazed, the muscular man made a small noise at the back of his throat- voicing his disgust in the shorter man.

The muscular man leant forward and pinched the bridge of his nose;

â�œJonathan fucking Seward, I will kill you myself if you ever do this again. If his eyes opened- if he grunted, if anything happened that meant he was awake. Anything like that happened while doctors werenâ�™t there we were meant to tell them, what is wrong with you? You know how on edge Brian is- itâ�™s been fucking MONTHS! MONTHS JOHNNY SINCE WEâ�™VE HAD OUR GUITARISTS ONEâ�™S IN THE FUCKING ICU AND THE OTHER ONE WONâ�™T FUNCTION.â� As his voice began to raise, the muscular man stood up and looked ready to throttle the shorter man, who stood up and cracked his knuckles standing within a centimetre of the other man- making another shiver run down Zackâ�™s spine- in a completely different way.

And as if the timing was rehearsed, the attractive man walked back with people clad in white dresses or oversized coats.

â�œGood Morning Mr Baker- we know youâ�™re awake, now everything should come back to you in forty-eight hours if it hasnâ�™t already- you cannot move or speak at the moment due to the gauze around your body, it will be immensely painful while my colleagues and I remove it, we are happy to say that your skin wasnâ�™t actually effected by your suicide attemptâ�

But Zack wasnâ�™t paying attention to the doctor, the nurses, or any of their false accusations. And as the anaesthetic in his veins got to work, the image his eyes were focused on was the man holding Zackâ�™s right hand with his left hand, telling him it would be alright with tears in his soft brown eyes and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

Ahm rushing- havent spell checked etc

And im really really sorry about the delay...yeah..sorry x

So by now you should of figured out most of this shit am i right?

:D Comments would be nice

xxxx

Mmmkay, so ive got yet another problem to add to the list

Blood clots

at 14 years of age- i've got bloodclots

tbh i wasnt that surprised, i've always had medical/blood issues

but, my blood being too thick?

first off, it used to never be enough

jesus couldn't Karma pick a more likely thing for me to get >.<

Idiots.

Blood test on monday- again

AND I HAVE TO GO THERE GINGER :( which is by far the worst out of everything in my life.

-_-

xxxx

Please Erase My Dreams]] Avenged Sevenfold x

1)Once you've read it over once, re- read the beginning, you'll understand it more

2) Vee not only is this dedicated to you- but i promise i'll acctually continue this

3) Guess which A7x song the title's from, and i'll give you a cookie/part in this.

Please Erase My Dreams]]

One

He was soaring; flying higher than any birds in the sky- up and over anyone else. Birds are pretty; they have nice, soft feathers- he thought.

He could smell toast, a bit burnt this time, it seemed that it was stuck to his hand- his whole body. So he bit down but it wouldnâ�™t tear off, so he bit harder- it tasted like metal- he liked it, the toast seemed to turn into a liquid- he wanted more- he couldnâ�™t get enough, his whole body shook but he couldnâ�™t get enough of the burnt liquid.

He could hear someone, no more than one person- but their music made him tired more tired than he had ever been- so he closed his eyes.

****

He left the studio that day- early; theyâ�™d finished the album and thought they ought to celebrate- he thought, why not? He drove home early- excited to share the news.

He saw a blue van parked in the driveway thought it was vaguely familiar- he thought not much of it, probably one of her friends; she was always on her phone these days anyway.

Maybe she got a lift home from one of her friends? Maybe they were staying over for a bit? He smiled; it was a celebration after all, wasnâ�™t it? The more the merrier-right? Wrong.

He opened the door; no sign of the dog- Gena or her friend. Completely silent- so he thought.

He walked up the grand staircase, sorting out the mail as he walked. Heating Bill. Electricity Bill. Water Bill. He gave up- left the mail at the top of the staircase- and stopped in his tracks. He could hear somethingâ�¦

If a tree falls down in the forest, and no one hears it- does it still make a sound?

Thieves. Murderers. Vampires

He laughed at the last one- he shouldnâ�™t let his mind wander- It was probably the dog anyway. He walked up to his bedroom door his hand inches away from the door- he paused. No the noise wasnâ�™t his imagination- he could hear it more clearly now, tapping- no, thumping.

If his life was a movie- he was sure heâ�™d be the main character- if not him, then Brian, for what reason he wasnâ�™t sure but he was always at Brianâ�™s anyway. He dismissed the thought. What he knew now, though- was that he would be willing to give anything- anything at all to lie in bed that night and think nothing of the day heâ�™d had.

He opened the door and for a few blissful moments truly thought that he was blinded- that his mind was playing tricks on him- oh how he wished it were true.

He felt his eyes tear up and the scene unfolded before him, he couldnâ�™t move- he didnâ�™t know how to blink- all he could do was watch. They didnâ�™t even know he had arrived.

Because there she was, Gena-in all her blonde haired glory. Under the mailman.

And suddenly, his lips moved- releasing a small sound from his throat- similar to a whisper that seemed foreign to his own ears, but they seemed to understand it fine.

He suddenly felt as if he were the actor to his own body- no longer the director, he watched himself move out of the bedroom leaving his crying fiancÃ©e. He watched his hands grasp the bottle of jack on the kitchen table, half drunk with the lid long forgotten. He saw a blur of blonde and silk almost fly down the stairs- but his mind soon blocked the object or person out. He walked out of the door, down the steps and into his front garden, the grass soft and innocent beneath his feet.

He went back to watching himself; he saw the alcohol being poured slowly onto himself and the smell seemed to drift up his nostrils, soothing him even more so than he already was. He saw a small blue object being dropped onto himself; he saw flames emit from where the object dropped. He felt the warmth spread through him. Good- he thought. I was cold anyway.

OMG

DUDE

AMIKA'S PRESENT

TO ME

JUST

SO AWSOMES

ITS IN HER STYLE TOO

OMFGGGGG I CANT BELIVE MUM HID THIS FROM ME

JESUS CHRIST- FUCK ME (LOL EXORCIST QUOTE)

BUT STILL

ITS SO SO SO SAMAZING

AND I CANT EVEN REACH HER HER DAMN FONES ENGAGED!

Aleena<3